Interpolating desire

I

Excuse me, I say, repeatedly

(how presumptuous to call you out like that)!

You turn, aborted from your womb.

I can’t see and I can’t find my glasses;

I can’t hear and I can’t find headphones…

can you help me… No?

You’re too busy… Texting.

I cannot find my life either;

not to mention my death.

Have you found yours?

I’m authentically unexamined.

I’m a virtual nowhere man.

You like the Beatles?

Everyone is supposed to respect what they did,

but who honestly does?

Truth be told, I’m an aesthetic heretic.

Are you going to burn me?

It is important to be earnest .

Can I be with you?

Can I even call you… To action?

(What is that these days: can you Google it for me?)

 Or am I being like a telemarketer… Worse?

This isn’t the usual time for a call!

(You don’t have to tell me twice!)

‘cause there will be no enjoyment;

That’s the one thing I can promise.

These are untimely meditations…

 II

…I know: there are so many things I don’t know

am I philosophic?… Ingenious?… Average?… Crazy?

I’m sure I have a disorder — I hope it is a new one…

maybe I have syphilis… Profound people used to have that.   

 I’m not profound, and don’t get laid enough anymore

what do you think… Do I look intellectual?

I watch TED Talks? I support all the causes.

I love the Other… and I will love her difference,

(by my last statement I  acknowledge feminism)

as soon as I know what difference is.

 These are questions we can defer!

My ideas are, indeed, worth spreading,

even if you don’t think so…

You’re always unsatisfied…

What do you want from me?

 I’m only ideological!

You could have refused;

I didn’t make you turn, around!.

hopefully?      

III

Silent? And you look so amiable!

And you’re hot too.…

 Damn… And I’m not that bad looking?

We could have fucked, once , twice… Three times?

I’m just lying to you and myself;

we probably would have humiliated each other,

and maybe we would have both gotten off,

but fortune controls half of what we do,

and she is a woman, so who knows.

I would have tried to make sure you enjoyed it.

(I think I know what I’m doing…

 You would have told me otherwise?)

I may have even slept with you,

I get very warm though, and I kick…

And I get up early in the morning.

(Oh the dreaded morning!)

I could’ve made you fried eggs and toast,

and I could’ve given them a smile of a child.

It  would’ve been like the movies,

except with all the parts you don’t see —

a virtual encounter more real than the dreams we live,

sleeping together in the world day to day.

We could have made it a more permanent thing,

keeping it casual , of course.

I mean if it developed into something else…

I guess I would be all right with that

but I’m just super busy …

So I thought maybe…

No. You’re not the one.

After I had so much investment!

We were going to be Facebook friends (with benefits?)

I’m sure we know some of the same people,

I think I’ve seen you before?

Have you seen me?

IV

It’s a shame really; absolutely tiresome.

I had plans; we were going to network.

Love at first use…

Is it me? Am I less than nothing?

Are you the void?

Can we create a harmonious antithesis?

Is anybody anything anymore?

What is a man? What is a woman? What is a thing?

You still don’t want to define them together?

Have courage to experience perversion virtually.

Are you : a symptom? A fetish? A commodity?

Or am I experiencing commodity fetishism?

Don’t you know it’s Valentine’s Day?

Fine ! I will sit by myself.

 My mood is black, apparently,

like the coffee we steal from poor children,

in order to save them from poverty.

I guess narcissism really is idle talk.

I drink my opaque coffee, in our evening land.

Looking at our digital image in a Styrofoam cup.

Together we make a reflection beyond binary.

I have doubts, naturally, you have yours too,

because fantasies are the real shit of life.

But, of course YOLO! And so I am alive. For now.