Airing Some Moral Cum-Socks: Disability, Race, and Queer Men’s Hookup Culture

Airing Some Moral Cum-Socks: Disability, Race, and Queer Men’s Hookup Culture

I present this dialogue largely as it was (any additions I did make to the conversation were made from innumerable exchanges like this one), even though, to say the least, it does not present me in the best light.

I want it to serve four functions. First, it is a fascinating scenario, which shows how the dynamics of power and privilege in late modern society are always fluid and never truly vertical. As my exchange with this unfortunate young man shows, subjects are always already the products of power and are constantly negotiating their position in relation to other subjects, within complex matrices of subjugation and resistance. Second, I desire it to serve as an apology, in both the classical (hence the dialogue form) and colloquial meanings. Persons often wonder, and, I confess, I often wonder myself, why my self-esteem and mood are disproportionately low, despite my relative privilege and many accomplishments. This dialogue is, however partial, an answer to that question. Third, I record this dialogue with the hope that the many complex and ugly power relations it contains may dissipate, by having the light of truth shed on them. This dialogue represents, as it were, merely one “cum-sock” in the basketful of dirty laundry that queer communities hide from the prying gaze of the world and each other. Fourth, for better or worse, it emphasizes and reaffirms my considerable capacity for both oppression of others — and resistance against them — as I navigate my at times subaltern and at times extremely privileged position within the neoliberal capitalist system.

Asian Man on tinder: do you mind me asking why are you in a wheelchair?

Me: I don’t mind giving you the clinical answer to that — that I have cerebral palsy caused by an underdeveloped blood vessel in my motor cortex which impaired muscle coordination and other functions. Yet that won’t really satisfy you. What you really want me to do is solve the problem of human suffering. I do not have the talent, desire, or time to do that. Disability is part of human biodiversity; and it would be like asking you why you are Asian.

Asian Man: oh… I’m sorry to hear that.

Me: So you didn’t understand what I just wrote? Why are you sorry? We all have different privileges and abilities. I benefit from more social capital because I am white, and I have greater education and financial resources. If you really felt bad for persons with disabilities, you would help them. Yet, like most persons, you are caught in this pseudo-emotional masturbatory dynamic, whereby the performance of my suffering “gets you off” and excuses you from having to do anything tangible to alleviate social injustices.

Asian Man: no, actually, we live in Canada: prejudice barely exists. You ought to enlighten your self, and not divide human beings based on race or gender.

Me: what the fuck are you talking about? I routinely do anti-oppression workshops. I have spent my career trying to create a more egalitarian Canada for everyone, and I’m essentially doing a PhD in sociology. I don’t need to be enlightened about postmodern identity deconstruction, though I would point out that your use of the word “enlightenment” in the context of this conversation is really funny. Prejudice still exists in Canada. In fact, this very conversation is an example of it. And in any case, upon what basis are you making this conclusion: do you have a graduate degree? Like me, have you spent several years reviewing and creating social science research? Have you been published and/or presented on the topic as I have?

Asian Man, no… I mean that’s different. Disability is different from race and being gay. I’m just sorry for the challenges you have to go through.

Me: Then, for goodness sake, do something practical about them. Abstract sympathy helps no one. If you’re trying to suggest that disability is based on “natural phenomena,” whereas race is predicated upon — now thought unjustifiable — cultural differences and social inequality, you must answer the question why , not so long ago, the brightest minds in the world understood “homosexuality” as both a psychological and physical illness: some even thought it was brought about by “genetic degeneracy;” and why some of those same scientists also thought that persons of “Mongoloid stock” (that is, those racialized as Asian) were genetically inferior, justifying both the Chinese Exclusion Act, and the internment of Japanese Canadians during World War II, not to mention (sexual) stereotypes concerning “rice queens” that (lamentably) persist in gay discourse to the present. Furthermore, even if one could allegedly justify a scientific difference between race and disability — which is doubtful at best — from the perspective of normative ethics, the classification is morally irrelevant.

Spare me sympathy; I don’t want or need it. What I do need, is better social support; this comes from more awareness and less ignorance among members of the public. And what I do want, like most persons on here, is for someone to blow me.  Unless you are willing to do that while not saying anything stupid, and, from this conversation, that seems like it may be hard for you, I suggest you jump up your own ass and die. Have a pleasant day! :-)