(Once upon a Time there were two friends, who decided to go the Lesbos in order to see the
beautiful women on the island. The first whose name was Riley was very thin and tall his close
many men were accustomed to admire, since they were beautiful. Moreover, he was a good man
who helped people, and therefore, they missed him, when he was gone; for you as a friend to all,
and he did not prefer persons because they love when; rather he treated everyone equally, on
account of his unique heart.)
Secundus erat ornatus et sapiens cui nomen erat Benus , amicus etiam volentibs. Facies
eius ut mulier autem corpus sius ut agricola et cor sius ut poeta. Mens autem ut Socrate cum
dilexit sapientiam et virtutem et his quæsíverat nocte et die in cordibus aliorum. Ille autem erat
decoris oculis, quae ut mari. Tactae sunt cilia longissima additis ad gratiam oris. Maior erat quam
altero amico, sed se saepe non prudens, quia animae non paruit mentei.
( The second was beautiful and wise, and his name was Ben; he was a friend to the wounded
also. His face was as a woman, and his body was as a farmer, but his heart was as the poet.
Moreover, his mind was like Socrates; for he loved wisdom and virtue, so that he search for it in
the hearts of the others night and day. He had beautiful eyes which were as the ocean. These
were covered by very long eyelashes which added to the grace of his face he was larger than the
other friend, but he was not always prudent, since he obeyed his soul, rather than his reason)
. 
Navicula parva, eiusque malum adulari leniter ventus. fuit Tranquillitas maris. Et amici in
sal odore aeris potuere. Omnia mira. In angulo navis erat claudus, quem ille adduxerunt secum,
quia amabat illum. Is quoque faciem semidei et sapientissimum. Cor sius ut Virgilio et verba
illius difficile dictu sed ille mirabile auditu vir doctissimus de studia. Tamen stultus erat de
mundo ac mulieribus quia homines philosophiam et carmine ante omnia amare volebat. Iliad
legit nocte ac die quo inveniebat bellatores nobiles qui causa amoris pereunt. Mox autem
dormiebat in curru dum cogitant de diis. Tum nautae coeperunt loqui
(The ship was small, and the sale fluttered gently in the breeze. They could even smell the salt in
the air. Everything was perfect. In the corner the boat there was a cripple, whom they had
brought with them because they loved him. He had the face of the demigod and was the wisest of
men concerning the liberal arts, but was stupid concerning the affairs of the world because he
wanted to love men and philosophy before all other things. He read the Iliad day and night, in
which he discovered noble warriors, who for the sake of love, parish. Presently, he was sleeping
in his chariot, dreaming about the gods. They began to speak)
(
with my giant penis they will want to announce me, and said that I have the best lover in the
world. On the island. I will be able to test my manhood. I will show to you, my friend, the ways of
men, not virgins
(Ben replied, “you are foolish: you will not love women by power. Do you not read the poems of
Catullus, in which he conquered Lesbia through many thousands of kisses? Women are to be
held both in sadness and happiness, for the purpose of discovering the deepest desires of their
hearts, so
erat agrum sine 
(you overlook the words of Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered. A Roman man plows his field
quickly and without pretense. Cato believed this to be true, and I do as well)
“Caesar cinaedus vero non lexisti Catullum. Cato autem crudelissimus et iners. Destruxit terram
ut vicisset avaritiam suis. Vis facere etiam in cubiculo? Non legis Ovidius poeta .Refert modo
amandi mulieres. Nullum est celerrimus via. Sed malis esse animal quam hominem. Conor
capere sapientiam dum temptas mulieres capere
(Caesar was a fairy; indeed, you have not read Catullus. And besides, Cato was cruel and
cowardly. He destroyed land, in order to conquer his own avarice. Do you wish to do the same in
the bedroom? You do not read Ovid. He relates the way of loving a woman: none of these is the
quickest road. Yet you prefer to be an animal rather than the man. I tried to capture wisdom,
while you try to capture women)
Victoriose Raelius dixit, “reliquisti Horatium. Dixit ‘ Carpe diem’. Et ‘ nunc est bibendum’. Item
puto deberee dici Carpe mulierem nunc est tempus concumbere. lesbia ergo tu et nescis modo
mulierem amandi bene”
(Triumphantly, Riley said, “you have forgotten Horace! He said’ seize the day’ and’ now is the
time for drinking’. Likewise, I say seize the woman and now is the time to fuck. You are a lesbian,
and therefore do not know the art of loving women well)
“Quidem sum lesbia sed diligis ut asino. Tu ponis in omne verpam foramen quod potes invenire.
Nescis ars amandi feminam lingua tua ut cupiditate vincerentnur. Deinde victa est facilis. Res
quae exspectata diu est dulciorem quam rem festinus rapuit
(Indeed, I am a lesbian, but you love women in the manner of a donkey. You do not know the
origin of loving women with the tongue, so that she is overcome with desire: then she is easily
conquered. A thing which is long-awaited is sweeter than the thing grabbed quickly)
Respondit Raelius “id quod non illa dixit priore nocte. Ab me ecce es combustus”
(Riley responded, “that’s not what she said last night – oh you just got burned!)
“Tacete”, inquit Connorus, “dormire conor”
. (“shut up”, said Connor, “I’m trying to sleep.”)
“Surge magister. iuova nos ut possimus soluere argumentum”. His dictis adduxerunt Connorum
trans navem coepit loqui.
(Arise, teacher, so that you may help us resolve this argument. After these things were said,
Connor was brought across the boat and began to speak)
“Carissimi, cur de mulieribus tractabatis? Nonne legistis Senecam? Ira est omnium
perniciosissimum affectionum ita debet esse regi. Mulieres frivolae sunt et leves. Non legistis
Medea? Corinthum ira sua perdidit? Et quid prodest Iason amanti. Nihil. Hercules quidem
occisus est ab femina. Apuleius asinum conversus est ab femina. Item propter amorem Helenae
Parisius gessit bellum. Converso quid bellum gessit propter hominem, qui amat virum? Nihil
Volo ire Athenas ubi multi sapientes pulchrique. Docebunt mihi multa, et diligam eos.
Sapientiam meam laudabunt, et dilectus, quia ego ero sapientior Socrate”.
(Dear friends, why are you arguing about women? Have you not read Seneca? Anger is the most
dangerous of all affections; it should, therefore, be controlled. Women are frivolous and
capricious. Have you not read the Medea: she destroyed Corinth with rage. And what did Jason
benefit by loving her? Nothing. Moreover, even, Hercules was killed by a woman, and Apuleius
was turned into a donkey. Paris has waged war, on account of his love for Helen; conversely,
what more has been waged on account of a man who loves the man? None! I want to go to
Athens, where there are many wise and beautiful men. They will teach me many things, and I will
love them. They will praise my wisdom and I will be their favorite, since I will be wiser than
Socrates)
“Magister, saepe stultus, non nos”, dixerunt, “. Non legis Aristotelem. Oderat molles. Non
credimus quae dicit in Symposio. Nonne legis leges etiam in qua obiicit amorem hominum
hominibus. Nonne Tusculanas disputationes legis, quibus reprehendit gymnasium? Id dicit fuisse
domum venereorum omnium. Non legís Plautum aut vel Martialem. Et irrident qui dilexerunt
viros. Quam sic melior es nobis?”
(“Teacher, often it is you who are stupid, not we”, they said, “you do not read Aristotle: he hated
gay people. We do not believe the things which are said in the symposium. Have you not read
vi
The Laws in which Plato object to the love of men by men. Or what about The Tuscan
Disputations, in which Cicero ridiculed the gymnasium, and said that it was the home for all
kinds of disgusting sexual vice. Have you read neither Plautus nor Martial, even they ridicule
men who love men. How then are you better than us?)
“Quia Homerus et Virgilius viros amaaverunt sic ego sum melior vobis cum sint meliores
omnibus. Non audistis nobiem Achillem cuius amor faciat mirabilia ad proeliandum Numquam
fuit miles melior.”
(Because Homer and Virgil love men. I, therefore, am better than you, since they are better that
all men. Have you two not heard of the noble Achilles, whose love accomplished wonderful
things in danger? Never was there a better warrior)
Benus respondit: “non est frigius locus. Rectus est ille furore, ut Medea et affectibus regeris ut
nobis. Vis ire ut Athenas, quia amicus et magister loco habitanti nunc. nescio fruisse eum
relectum te paucos dies iam te tristem”.
(Benjamin answered, “this is not chill zone. He was ruled by range, like Medea, and you are
ruled by your affections like us you want to go to Athens because your friend and teacher is
there. I know that he has left you for a few days and then already you are sad,”)
“Non desideriio eum. Volo ire enim Athenas causa discendi sed non gratia amicitiæ. Vos nescitis
quoniam sensi vestri pleni sunt abominabilibus, dum considero carmina”
(I don’t miss him. I want to go to Athens for the sake of learning, but not friendship. You would
not understand your senses are full of abominable things, while I contemplate poetry and music.)
“Mentiris Connore” , dixit Raelius.
(“You’re lying, Connor”, Riley said.)
“Tace”, inquit Connorus, voce plena veneno. “Utroque abominabiles. Ite ad crucem. Hecate Per
deprecor te. Ut vos noceatis inferioribus et sitis omnibus et peregrini et sitis et siys infecundi et
non habeatis patriam”.
(“Shut up”, Connor yelled, in a voice full of venom, the two of you are disgusting. Go to the
cross! I curse you by Hecate, so that you will be harmed by all the things below, and that you will
be a stranger to everyone, and you will be infertile, and hold no fatherland.)
“Medea nunc esne? Factus es femina quia tristis”, Benus respondit. “Exultate quoniam sumus in
itinere pulchro”
(“are you now Medea? You have become a woman because you are so sad”, Benjamin aswered.
Rejoice, since we are the beautiful journey)
“Filla landicam”
(suck a clit)
Itaque permanent amici contendere donec ad Lesbium. Erat pulcra insula Erantque multae
mulieres quibus potuit Benus uti arte sexu. Raeilus multas amavit et nomen eius laudaverunt.
Sed mox tristis fuit quia adamavit reginam Lesbii qui credit fuisse pulcherrimamque mulierem in
mundo. Illa vana et superba ut ipsa ignorasset eius amorem. Die noctuque deprecabatur. Is dixit
“regina Iustinaea liceat nubam te”
(and so the friends continued to argue until they reached Lesbos. It was a beautiful island and
there were beautiful women, on which Benjamin could practice his art of lovemaking. Riley also
love many women, and they did praise his name; yet soon he was sad because he fell in love with
the Queen of Lesbos, since he believed that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Yet
this woman was vane and proud, such that she ignored his love. Night and day. He pleaded,
saying, “my queen, Justine, allow me to marry you.”)
“Nolo te maritari”, dixit. “Nemo qui potest esse vir meus, cum tam pulchra sim. Ego mulier
optima in mundo. rogo te ob causam debeam esse uxorem tuam? Tu promiscuus turpisque.
Pectoris plena libidine. Mens et corpor tuumm infirmi propter stuprum”..
(“I do not wish to marry you.” She said. “No one can be my husband, since I am so beautiful. I
am the best woman in the world. I ask you: for what reason, should you be to be my husband?
You are shameful and promiscuous. Even your mind is weak on account of lust,”)
His dictis cor suis fractum est Genitus erat quo factus esset. Sic laborabat multos annos,
Ut ispe esset melior. Tandem regina diligebat eum, quia sub simulatio fuit magna virtus. Regina
post quinquennium eo nupsit et fuerunt beati.
(After she said these things, his heart was broken. He was horrified by what he had become; and
so he laboured in order to make himself better. Eventually, the Queen grew to love him because
underneath his pretense, was great virtue, and after five years she married him, and they were
prosperous.)
Habebant tamen servam qui non est beata. Laura nomen eius, nan coacta esset relinqisse
viro Athenis. Didymus nomen eius. Ipsa pulchrior dominam suam. Erat autem Venus pulchrior
Verticordia. Et in civitate solebant pingere eius imaginem. Et Vir eius fuit pulcher et quia
videbantur Adonidem. Quae solebat laudare formam cui volit audire
(they had a servant, however, who was not happy; for she had been left by her husband, who had
departed for Athens, as well, his name was Thomas. Laura was more beautiful than her mistress,
more so even then Venus, healer of hearts. Even her husband was beautiful, because he seems
like Adonis; and she was accustomed to praise his body to anyone who wish to listen)
Interea multis amata, Benus volebat ire silvam ad convivendum Connoro. Et
aedificaverunt domum parvam quæ ad mare. Multis annis ambo amici erant. Loquebantur
ix
omnia. Connorus philosophiam carminaque amico suo docebat . Item docebat Benus amicum
suum, ut fuiesset humilior. Didicit super doctrina diligere caritatem et diligere cognovit
amicitiam supra Homero.
(Meanwhile, after he had loved many women, Benjamin wanted to go into the forest, in order to
live with Connor. And they built a small house, which was by the sea. For many years. They were
friends. And Connor, taught Benjamin poetry and philosophy, and Benjamin in turn, taught his
friend so that he had become more humble. He learned to put compassion and love above
learning, and he also learned to put friendship above Homer.)
Coniunx reliquit me ut eat ad Athenas. Incredibilis fuit per conubia nostra, dormivit omni
meretrix. Stuprum sum ego deserta. Accipete meam servam cum velit ire Athenas , ita ut redeat
viro. Converso ego me occidere. Ego ut Didone adolebo. Et erit nisi cineres enim meus ardor
comedit me. Relictiet mea insulam, ne succendam vos etiam.
Tum Laura dies alter venit. Portat literas ad domina, quae leguntur: Scribo vos in maxima ira (Then one day Laura arrived. She was carrying a letter from her mistress, which read: I am
writing to you with the greatest anger. My husband has left me in order to go to Athens. He was
unfaithful during our marriage, sleeping with every manner of prostitute. I am deserted Except
my servant, since she also wants to go to Athens. Conversely, I will kill myself. I shall burn in the
manner of Dido, and there will be nothing left of me except ashes, for my love consumes me.
Leave my island, lest I should burn you alive. Also!)
Eamus luce Connor dixit quia ego fessus Nos debemus orare salutem ab dis debemus agere
sacrifcium Apollini, ut redimeret periculum. Et fecerunt haec. Cum posuit in Connorus strato,
putabat de regina. Quantus Corpus ab passione Victus quantum fides ab libidine. Passio est
x
maximum donum hominis, sed etiam plurimum venenum. Ergo ego studeam amicitiae
discendoque sed etiam sequam iustitiam.
(“Let’s go at dawn” Connor stated, “because I’m very tired. We ought to pray for safety from the
gods. We should make a sacrifice to Apollo, in order that he may save us in danger. When he was
in bed Connor thought on the Queen: such a body, conquered by passion; such fidelity destroyed
by lust. Passion is man’s greatest gift, but it is also our greatest poison. Therefore, I should be
eager for friendship and learning, but I should also be obedient to justice)
Apollo venit in specie serpentis dum dormit. Deus autem curavit eum ita ut esset claudus
non. Sed non magister dormiente, Deus abisse. Mane clamat ambulare possum. Hoc miraculum a
Apollone. Agamus agee gratias iterum. Benus respondit Ego quidem sum tam felix ambulare
potes ut choream ob gaudium.
(In the guise of the serpent, Apollo came, while Connor was sleeping, and that God healed him,
so that he was no longer cripple. Yet when he awoke the God was gone. In the morning he
shouted. “I can walk! This is a miracle from Apollo. We ought to give thanks again. “Indeed”,
replied Benjamin, I am so happy, that I could dance from joy)
Et fecerunt .cum repente vidissent miles egressus de foresta. Hic pulcherrima persona
quae umquam Connors videntur. corpus suis quasi marmorem. tam formosus et tam duri musculi
ut esset suo virtus Herculi et corpori Narcissifuit nigris oculis capillis quam schoham qui
resplenduerunt sicut in solem. Et est quasi dentes partes luna et subridens fecit mundus melior
esseOptimum habebat arma, et macer est, properat. Tulit gladium et scutum Achillis quos habuit
quasi pennas.
(And they did this, when suddenly a soldier emerged from the forest. He was the most beautiful
figure Connor had ever seen. His body was like marble, and he was so handsome and his muscles
xi
were so strong that he had the body of Narcissus and the masculinity of Hercules. His eyes and
hair were black, and they shone like Onyx in this Sun. His teeth were like pieces of the moon, and
when he smiled, the universe was better. He had the best armor, he was lean, and swift on his
feet. He carried a sword and shield of Achilles as though they were feathers)
“Quis es?”, dixerunt..
(“Who are you”, they said)
“Ego Alexander Macedo. Maximus imperator ullo. Missus sum Marte ad docendum vobis belli
artes et philosophiam: quoniam multaque proelia ego etiam docebar ab Aristotele”.
(“I am Alexander of Macedon the greatest general there ever was. I have been sent by Mars in
order to teach the two of you the arts of war and philosophy since I have won many battles, and I
was also taught by Aristotle.”)
“Dic nobis tuum nuntium”, dixerunt
(“tell us your message” they said.
“vobis eundum est Athenas Est malum triumviratu civitatem regit. Dux stultis pinguissimusqe.
Nescit quae suis subditis facit . Similis quoque Caesari et corrumpitur abvi. Munera accipit a
principibus pinquae urbum. Primus subditorum est stultissimus hominum. Christianus est, putat
homiem potest Christianum esse Dum sequitur rationem. est ambitiosa homo utentis sua
religione ad abscondam tenebris cordis. Est nec sapientem nec misericors, sed veteruus Secunda
est malua eius qui utitur venefica potentia ad vinculorum debiles et philosophos simul comedent
debiles sicut hirudines. Devoraverunt felicem animarum ut nihil relinquatur. Modo sed cepit
philosophi quia non diligunt illam amant pecuniam”
(“you must go to Athens. There is an evil triumvirate ruling. The leader is stupid and very fat. He
does not know what his subordinates do. He is even similar to Caesar, because he is corrupted by
xii
power. He accepts bribes from the leaders of the other cities. The first of the subordinates is the
most foolish of men. He is a Christian, and he thinks one can follow reason, well practicing his
faith. Truly, he is sanctimonious, and uses his religion in order to conceal the darkness of his
heart. He is not otherwise, nor is he gentle, but he is foolish. The second is an evil sorcereress,
who uses her wicked powers, in order to feed on cripples. They feast on them like leeches, and
they devoured the happiness of the souls until there’s nothing left but now she has captured the
philosophers; for they do not love, wisdom,”)
Horrendum est audire, aiunt
(“This is horrible to hear”, they said)
. Laura inquit: “ credo non ego dilectum meum posse capi tali loco
(Laura exclaimed, “I can’t believe my lover could be trapped in such a place)
. Connors Dixitque Iustinaee praeceptor meus, doleo pro te Solebas esse caput Academiae
Platonicae es: iam captus ab stolidis. Desiderium repente disparuit Alexandro.
(Connor added, “Justin, my teacher, I grieve on behalf of you. You used to be the head of the
Platonic Academy and now you are captured by idiots. Then all desire for Alexander
disappeared.)
“Quid faciemus ut salvent?”
(what must be done in order to save them)
. Debes tam pugnare mecum nos ad Athenas vincatis eos. Itaque navigare coeperunt Athenas.
Laura didicit artes magicis, ut sanet et superet maleficus. Benus ac Consorus docti ut this nocte
ac die et bellatores et poetae fierent .
(You must fight with me, so that when we reach Athens, you will conquer them. And so they
began to sail to Athens. Laura learned the magical arts, so she could heal as well as conquer the
xiii
witch. Connor and Benjamin were taught night and day and they became both warriors and
poets)
Sed reliquit Alexander et dedit gladium ac scutum propter audacem cognoverant
philosophos et sapientes fortesEt veniunt in urbe populi Connors inspiravit ad defectionem enim
suis verba elegantes et animosi ex eruditione et amicitia Iustinaee.
(But then Alexander went way, and he gave them the sword and shield on account of their daring.
They knew that they had become wise and courageous philosophers, and when they came to the
city Connor inspired the people in order that they rebelled; for his words were elegant and full of
spirit, on account of his friendship with Justin)
Cum arcem penetrarunt Connorus interrogavit principes autem tradavessent recusarunt
erant enim ebrius cum virtute. Sic artibus didici obtinuerunt eos celeriter. Laura mutavit in
porcum pythonissam Benus celeriter et Connor aliis duobus malefactores vicit. Connorus
Secetrus est capitem principes ubi audivit vocem de turba.
(When they penetrated The Citadel Connor asked the leaders to surrender,, but they refused; for
they were drunk with power. And so, with the skills they have learned they overcame them
quickly. Laura transformed the witch into a pig. Benjamin and Connor swiftly overcame the other
evildoers, and Connor was about to sever the head of the leader when he heard a voice from the
crowd.)
“Desine ac siste furorem. Misere eum. Iacta ferum! Non hoc te docui
(“stop and check your fury. Have mercy on him! Drop your sword! This is not what I have taught
you.”)
. Lente convertit Connorus. Tun vidit magister dilectis suis, quem perdidi per tot annos.
“Iustinaee” dixit, cadens genua, “non sum dignus! Fui iratus libidinosusque. Ignosce mihi.”
xiv
(
“
me.”
“Necesse est discas te ut doceas; enim mihi aequalius sint. Semper hoc dixit. Non refert quid
debiles qui oderunt dicunt, neve audias, qui non ament Sodomitas. Non se diligunt. Vivas cum
pace mulieres diligentibus. Surge, et vir exsisti His dictis, levavit humo Connorum et amplexus
eum.
Slowly Connor turned, and then you size teacher, whom he had missed for so many years.)Justin”, he said, falling to his knees. “I am not worthy. I have been angry and prurient. Forgive (“It is necessary that you learn, so that you teach yourself; for you are equal to me. I have always
said this. Nor should you listen to those who hate cripples; neither are you to hear those, who do
not love sodomites. They hate themselves. Live in peace with those who love women. Arise and
become a man.” After he had said these things, he lifted Connor off the ground and hugged him)
Omnes fama igitur beati. Relegant malos et nusquam reversi sunt. Quia misericordiam
debiles sanavit Apollinis. Laura invenit viro. Connorus in Academia amico docuit. Et omnis
populus venit ad audiendum musicam .Elegerunt novos principes Robertus Paschallusque-qui
iustissimi homines. Et omnes aeque diligere. Benus elegantissimum invenit uxorem. Felix
Raeailus negotiator fuit Omnes diligebant Connorum numquam solus.
(And so everyone was happy. They banished the wicked people and they never returned again.
Because Connor had shown clemency Apollo healed all the cripples. Laura found her husband.
Connor taught in the Academy with his friend and all the people came, in order to hear their
music. They elected new leaders, Robert and Pascal, who were very just to all men, and treated
everybody equally. Benjamin sound of most graceful wife, and he was happy. Riley became a
successful businessman.
“Obliviscaris verba Caesaris ‘ veni vidi vici’. Romanum hominem celeriter
cunctatione simulatione. Cato credere esse vera, et credo”
Benus respondit “ es stultus mulierem vi non amabis. Non legis Catulli Carmina, quibus
per milia multa basiorum Lesbiam vincit. amplectendae mulierem usque mane. debes diligere et
ea dolor et beatum. Vis et loqui cum illis ad considerandam desideria cordis eorum ut possideas
animae mulierium non solum corpores eooum
Raelius ait, “ eamus Lesbum quia sunt multae pulchrae mulieres, quas díligam mea
magna pene per noctem et nomen meum omnibus populis volunt nuntiare. Et dicent me esse
optimum in mundo amatorem ut omnes invident. Est insula Lesbos in quo potero temptare
virtutem virtus. amice et ego monstrabo tibi consuetudinem hominum non virgenes”.
Olim erant amici dui qui volebant navigare Lesbo ad videndum mulieres speciosas in insula.
Primus cuius nomen erat Raelius, alutus fuit étiam tenuissima. Vestimenta sius mulos admirari
solebant, cum pulchra sit. Praeterea fuit vir bonus et benignus qui adjúvit. Igitur dilexerunt eum
et quaerentes eum cum abesset. Quia erat amicus omnibus, Non aliqui maluit quia amant
feminas. Maluit omnes aeque agere propter cordem speciem,
